the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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