no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
