operation have a gay friend backfired
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize