He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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