I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
