Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
