i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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