I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
