I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
