I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
please come you make the beer taste better
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm having to shit out rocks
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
