Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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