i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
