Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
