Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
