im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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