I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
