from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
