after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
