this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
