The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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