Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
