im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
