Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize