omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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