I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
