We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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