Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Congratulations! We have a period
Shame is for Republicans.
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