so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
