HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
