i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
