Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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