So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
