If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
