Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize