my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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