I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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