I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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