You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
