I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
