I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
