you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
