I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
