I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
