He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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