last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
