I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
