It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm passing your future prison.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
