My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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