Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
