Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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