HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
