11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
