4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need a beard to bite.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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