I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
