I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
