Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
