I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
try to milk me bitch
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
