I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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