i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
