There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
