Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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