just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Are my feet made of real feet?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
