Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize